An Exciting And Accurate Account.....

An Exciting And Accurate Account Of The Match Between Gentlemen of England Versus Players And Natives Of The Cape Colony, February 1896 in Cape Town

 

After electing to bat, the visitors from the Mother Country were desperately unfortunate to be bowled out for 31 on a brutish pitch.

 

The natives enjoyed further luck when they came to bat, as the pitch had suddenly and mysteriously became quite excessively benign, with the result that centuries were scored by fully five of the native order. Naturally, the strokemaking of these uneducated sons of the Veldt was not up to the standard of a County player - the England captain, A.J. "Rumpy" Nethercote was heard to remark "these poor chaps are scarcely worth a deuce on the off" - but they eventually declared on a creditable, if fortunate, 895-4.

 

Some among the English suspected sharp practice or non specific rummy goings-on, as the pitch yet again showed its capriciousness, reverting back to its previous wicked deviousness in time for the English second innings (43 all out).

 

Serendipitously, it was discovered that all five South African centurions have English great-grandparents, and Nethercote had the good sense to telegraph immediately to the Governor of the Cape Colony, who issued them all with certificates confirming that were born in Hampshire, and thus their runs were credited to the English side.

 

England XI First Innings

AJ Nethercote (cpt)   b Van de Graaf .....0

BJ Nethercote   not out .....1

SS Flippington-Flop   b Van de Graaf .....11

Lord Strokes   c Smuts b Van de Graaf .....0

GNER Railway   lbw Botha .....4

RPCRQW Bullingdon-Snorter   b Botha .....4

GC Cheddar   lbw Botha .....1

NWA Compton   c&b Van de Graaf .....3

DD Plump (wkt)   b Van de Graaf .....0

A Coalface   b Botha .....0

B Pitpony   b Van de Graaf .....0

 

Extras (lb 3, nb 1, w 1) .....5

Total   all out .....31

 

Cape Colony XI First Innings

Johannes Laandegrabbe   b Coalface .....87

Piet Pieter (cpt)   not out .....175

Bakkies Baastaad   lbw Pitpony .....191

KK Klop   c Plump b Coalface .....160

ODB Smuts (wkt)   ret'd out .....101

R Krugerrand   not out .....103

 

Extras (b 16, lb 14, nb 12, w 26)

Total   for four declared .....895

 

England XI Second Innings

AJ Nethercote (cpt)   b Botha .....0

BJ Nethercote   b Van de Graaf .....5

SS Flippington-Flop   not out .....3

Lord Strokes   c Smuts b Klop .....0

GNER Railway   b Botha .....0

RPCRQW Bullingdon-Snorter   lbw Krugerrand .....11

GC Cheddar   c&b Morkel .....12

NWA Compton   b Van de Graaf .....7

DD Plump (wkt)   c Klop b Smuts .....3

A Coalface   c Pieter b Botha .....1

B Pitpony   b Baastaad .....0

 

Extras (lb 1) .....1

Total all out .....43

 

Match awarded to the visitors after five of the home team (Pieter, Baastaad, Klop, Smuts and Krugerrand) were discovered to be English. Umpires: C.J. Nethercote and Miss D.J. Nethercote

 

 

W.G. Grace Ate My Pedalo

Tyers & Beach

Wisden/Bloomsbury Publishing 2010